It's wild how people can cause deep harm and carry on like nothing happened.
But then you remember that not everyone is connected to love.
Not everyone has done the inner work.
They act from pain. They manipulate, lie, or betray because it's the language they were taught. And they're not trying to unlearn it.
There's something deeply disturbing about watching someone cause real damage and then genuinely seem confused by the aftermath.
They'll gaslight you about events you clearly remember, minimize pain they directly caused, or act shocked that their actions had consequences.
This isn't always calculated cruelty; sometimes it's complete emotional blindness.
They've developed such sophisticated defence mechanisms that they literally cannot see their own impact.
Their internal narrative is so protected from accountability that reality gets filtered through layers of justification, projection, and denial.
The hardest truth to accept is that some people are simply operating on a completely different emotional system.
Where you see love as safety, they see it as vulnerability to exploit.
Where you see conflict as an opportunity to understand each other better, they see it as a war to be won.
Where you see mistakes as chances to grow, they see them as threats to their identity.
You're speaking different languages, where yours is rooted in growth and connection, and theirs rooted in survival and protection.
Neither of you can fully understand the other's world, and that gap can feel insurmountable.
Understanding this doesn't excuse their behaviour, but it does explain it. It helps you stop taking their actions personally, because you realize they would treat anyone in your position the same way; not because you deserve it, but because it's the only way they know how to operate.
They're not always choosing to hurt you specifically; they're following patterns so deeply ingrained they feel like instincts.
This realization can be both liberating and heartbreaking.
Liberating because it's not really about you.
Heartbreaking because it means they're living in a prison of their own unconscious making, and they don't even know they have the keys.
You can have compassion for their imprisonment while still protecting yourself from the collateral damage it causes.
You can understand their limitations without accepting their treatment.
You can see their humanity without sacrificing your own well-being to save them from themselves.
(Vex King)
