SIGNS OF UNPROCESSED ANGER
1. Hypersensitivity:
Becoming overly affected and
holding on to criticism and
inconveniences for long
periods of time.
Struggling to let things go.
2. Sudden tantrums & going from 0 to 100:
Having outbursts from seemingly
nowhere, going from calm to intense
anger in a split second.
3. Misplaced anger:
Getting frustrated and snapping at
people unnecessarily, even if
they've done nothing
to upset you before.
4. Disrespectfully expressing anger:
Letting your anger take control of
you and influence your behavior
due to being inexperienced
with properly communicating
your anger.
I encounter 2 types of people in
my work in helping others
overcome social anxiety.
The first kind are people who
struggle with active anger,
and the second kind
struggle with passive anger.
Those in the active category
over-identify with their anger.
They don't express their anger during
the situation - due to their anxiety
making them conflict avoidant,
but they do express it when they're
alone or to friends and family.
The anger consumes them, and they
start trying to bring up old memories
and unrelated issues to justify and
fuel their anger. It becomes so
blinding and so tiring that they
decide to shove it away
and never look at it again.
Those around them might tell them
they're overreacting and behaving
terribly which makes them ashamed
and validates their decision
to bury their anger.
Those in the passive category
abandon their anger as soon as
they feel them.
They're highly conflict avoidant,
even within themselves.
They have trouble accessing
their anger and often think of
themselves as someone who
doesn’t harbor anger
of any kind in general.
But that doesn't mean their anger
doesn't exist - their anger now just
influences their behaviour from
their shadow side.
People in this category often find
themselves in depressive cycles,
apathy, and struggling to find
the energy to get anything done.
While both types are seemingly so
different on the outside, the core
issue is the same.
They fail to process their anger.
They let their anger consume them or
they remain wilfully ignorant.
They judge themselves for their anger.
And as a result, they end up
exhibiting similar symptoms -
Hypersensitivity, unexpected
tantrums, and the like.
The cycle is vicious.
We like to hold on to emotional
patterns that we're familiar with
even when they so obviously
sabotage us.
But the first step to breaking out
of them is identifying them
in the first place.
Which category are you in?
(Asha Jacob)
